The Sacriest Aspect Of A Relationship: Watching Yourself Change So It Can Die

When I got together with my ex, I'd cry whenever we had to part ways. It was a long-distance relationship.

It was so painful to me.

Thus, I had thoughts of marriage and wanting to settle down with her as soon as possible so we could be together physically.

I wanted to be with her forever.

After two and a half years, I couldn't wait to get rid of her.

She did make it easy to end it. She turned into this difficult, entitled person I didn't recognize anymore. I was just done with her shit.

I remember thinking once, "Whew! If she was here, I would have to bring her along. Now I can have a fun, relaxing time with the boys."

This was something I never verbalized or admitted.

And if I was being perfectly honest, as a dude who didn't hit his 30s yet, I was already straddling between wanting to settle down with someone I supposedly love and had spent so much time with, and a world of freedom.

Again, something I never shared or admitted openly.

At the end, she disappeared. She just decided to stop replying.

The narrative was easy amongst my friends: She was just an irresponsible bitch who was probably cheating on me.

But the hidden narrative was that I also had change. She made it easy for me to move on to a new life I was looking forward to.

This to me is the scariest aspect of any relationship, that we all can change and everything turns on its head.

It goes from white to black.

Day to night.

Life to death.

The best thing we can do is to be radically honest with ourselves so the hurt is minimized.

Extra bonus scary point: How close you can be to making scary decisions

I did think of proposing to her near the end.

I flippantly thought, "Maybe if I gave her ring, all these problems would go away and things would be better.

I mean, it kind of makes sense after being together for so long right?"

Obviously, that was a huge bullet dodged. Proposing to solve problems is simply dumb.

I think the convenient trappings of a relationship can be real traps if you are not careful, so thread carefully.